Anyway, it was only FOUR hours today, so I was like...'okay cool, this will go by wayy quickly, no worries.' Everything was going pretty good, til about 20 minutes in, I noticed a friend from my work who just had her baby in May, came to show off her baby. Everyone was surrounding her and the baby and they were holding him and rocking him. I must admit, I've been extremely strong while I'm at work because there's not a day where I don't see a pregnant woman or a newborn baby. This time was different. She was part of our "pregnant group". What I mean is, there were three other girls who were pregnant with me. One in May, one in June, and one in August like me. I was dreading that I would be here for that. All these emotions starting running through my head and I wished it was going to go away. Right when she left and the crowd was gone, I went to a co-worker (Sandy) who is like another mom to me. I just went in the back of Guest Service and she came and held me. I felt like I couldn't breathe for a sec and this is the second "breakdown" I had at work. I always say "sorry" when I cry... I feel almost...embarassed. Like, I already know they don't know how to ask. Not ONE person knows what to say or act to that, except for BLM's. Sigh. So after that, I went to the back offices and went to cry to one of my many bosses. She's young and VERY outgoing and all she kept saying was 'I'm sorry' for like 20 min. She went and got me water? and tissue from the bathroom. I just felt awkward. I really wanted her to tell me to go home, but she didn't say anything like that. She just said I can take as long as I want to re-collect myself. Then I notice people try to make me laugh too? I dk. I just really can tell they DO NOT know how to act and it sucks. So I left, and went to the lockers and tried to fix myself up. Then one of my good friends Anna came and tried to talk to me. Then I just cried all over again. I love her to death, and I'm not going to be mad about this but the only thing she could say was "aw, don't cry". ! Ugh, I dont know. Then I went to a room by myself and took some deep breaths. I went back to work. I told myself, 'If I felt like crying one more time, I'm going to just walk out'. I made it though. Oh, I forgot to mention. Before I went to work, I was waiting to clock in and I overheard the June mama talking to other co-workers. They all were asking her questions and 'are you excited', 'do you have everything ready?' I was just angry inside. I couldn't believe I had NO baby inside me. I was supposed to be in the conversation and be so happy! Well, it also doesn't end there.
I come home, and go on Facebook to see all these posts from my friend Richard about his sisters' baby being born today. Pictures and everything. It just topped off my night, right? :( I'm just totally down and lost tonight. Hopefully tomorrow is a "better" day.
No comments:
Post a Comment